A Sensible Solution

Well folks, I'm sure I don't have to tell you but our borders are in danger! That's right terrorists are waiting, as you read this, just over the border in mexico & canada. I for one think it is time that we actually did something about it. Killing Iraqis made me feel safe for a few months, but now, the thrill has worn off. And I know, out there, somewhere, there are rabid slavering terrorists waiting to unplug many more vegetables. waiting to do unspeakable horrors to our god-fearing badgers. But I have come up with a solution, and my solution is more cost effective than bombing 3 random third world nations could ever be.

'What is this miracle safety net?' you ask. 'What could ever let me sleep, without fear, again? Will it stop tsunami images?'

Well, no it won't stop tsunami images. But it will stop every Ne'er-do-well from entering this country. no longer will the drive busses into planes filled with children. Thanks to the wonders opened up by wantonly tampering with genetics, we can make SHARK-BEES!

'Shark-bees?!?'

That's right shark-bees.

'but what,' you ask, 'are shark bees?'

Well, let me tell you, shark-bees are flying-hive minded sharks. with ravenous appetites and an angry buzzing noise. we shall set up hives every 5-10 miles along all of our borders. and like a black knight, they shall let the accursed terrorists know that none shall pass. We shall train the first few generations of shark-bees to recognize the scent of a bonafied red-blooded true-grit American. they will learn to feast upon any foreigner attempting to enter this great nation of ours. and they make delicious & nutritious honey! Thus we will be safe once again. for who would try & enter a land guarded by teeming masses of flying stinging, biting, rending, vicious shark-bees?



And now today's words of wisdom:
On Prayer
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words:
No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood.
"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not ill"
(Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison)

-De

Do what now?

I hate it when people use the phrase ‘do what now?’. It’s a southern phrase I think. And only the borderline retarded use it.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this phrase I shall give you some shining examples of how these inbred mouth-breathers use it.

Me: everything is working OK.
Idiot: do what now?
Me: try and stab your remaining active brain cell with a paperclip.

Or

Me: it is foggy out.
Idiot: do what now?
Me: drown your children, then kill yourself.

As you can see, these Darwinian rejects cannot use the proper question of ‘pardon me, could you repeat that?’ or ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t understand you.’ or even ‘WHAT?’. No, no these mental giants say ‘do what now?’. Let me clearly say I DIDN”T FUCKING TELL YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU MOTHER FUCKING MORON.

I also cannot stand it when I’m doing some mild tech support, I tell them what’s going on and these shining examples of human-kind respond ‘No, that can’t be it, that’s never happened before.’ Hey, guess what mother fucker, life is a long string of shit that’s never happened before. If you call someone for help, and they give you a fucking answer don’t tell them they’re wrong because ‘it’s never happened before’ if had fucking happened before then you shouldn’t have to bug me with you drivel. I Hate You. know this. Learn it and shut the fuck up.

Anyway
Here’s some wisdom for the day
1. everything is true.
2. everything is false.
3. everything is meaningless.
4. everything is true & meaningless.
5. everything is false & meaningless.
6. everything is true & false.
7. everything is true, false & meaningless.

-De

That's me in the Corner

So I’ve re-found my religion, time for me to become a holy-muther-fuckin-roller. Again. I haven’t had my religion for awhile now, just realizing I’ve missed it, but I’ve been practicing it most every day in small ways, ways so ingrained in my behavior that I didn’t even know I was doing them, but NO MORE now I will once again proudly proclaim we’re fukt. Royaly, disturbingly, fukt. And thank the goddess for that! For those of you who don’t know that there is a god, well, there is and her name is ER?IS err… eris. So bow down before her might (or not if your not so inclined, but I’ll weep for you, or at least think ‘he/she’s not so inclined’)

Anywho,
I’m glad I’m becoming a zealot again

-De

A Topical Discussion

If ever I am in a vegative state for more than 2 months, KILL ME!!!

Pull the plug, toss a toaster in my bath, poison my food, stop feeding me, use me for target practice, toss grenades at me, toss me at grenades, throw me from a roof, shove my head through a TV, defenestrate me, slit my wrists, pour molten lead down my throat, disembowel me, shove me into propellers, shove a screwdriver in my ear, toss me in the ocean, feed me to sharks, throw bricks at me, I DON”T CARE HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT, JUST KILL ME!!!!

Thanks for your time

-De

paste is yummy

So I give this next to no attention anymore, my flight of fancy is being grounded, I suck and that’s ok. Because I like kung-fu movies! Volcano High, a Korean flick rocks, apparently MTV did a dubbing of it with rap stars, I bought it, not because of the rap stars, but because it has the original & the rap one, for ½ the price of the copy with just the Korean version. Go figure.

-De

Creepy is keen

lithium picinic
Originally uploaded by DeHuman8.

check out http://www.lithiumpicnic.com/ for some great photos like this & more.

damn this chick is sexy! creepy, yes, but sexy. it would be really fuckin' cool if i could dye my eyes black. i'd do it in a heart beat.

-De

Geek girls

Originally uploaded by DeHuman8.

Japanese geek girls seem to be much hotter than american geek girls.

-De

I'm Lazy, so here

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. STAR/BOLD the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't STAR/BOLD is false.

01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have hobbies
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast - Fast anyway, maybe not really really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyes in the past
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a Sig. O. in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in sweatpants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I'm obsessed with my Diaryland.
58. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party
84. I have made a move on a friend's Sig. O. in the past
85. I own the "SouthPark" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be online
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
99. I'm happy as of this moment

50 things i hate

I'm feeling annoyed & hungover so here's a hate list, no particular order & not a top 50, just 50.

pug dogs
nazi’s
stupidity
hangovers
mental retardation
romance novels
bush
getting older
pedophilia
arctic cold fronts
maggots
saying ‘its for the children’ to restrict freedoms
not being able to swear like a sailor at work
willful ignorance
most children’s programming
psycho-drama
being poor
christian coalition
clear channel
urban relocation programs
work
lack of space aliens
good shows being cancelled
politicians
asphalt
basketball
sports bars
boy bands
failing education
corporations
pollution
raping of natural environments
clear cutting
any zealot
people who don’t get sarcasm & irony
people who can’t laugh at themselves
cruelty to animals
the FCC
theocracies
angelina jolies lips
the KKK
humans as a species
mcdonald’s
lists
people who seem to enjoy misinterpreting things
‘theory’ of intelligent design
the drug war
addiction

holy-roller born-again christians
lack of zombies, real, live dead zombies

Fire Poi!

Poi
Originally uploaded by DeHuman8.

I cannot wait to get back out & spin Poi. Today's nice weather is really teasing me with the knowledge that soon, the snow will be gone, and I'll be in the park trying desperately to set myself ablaze. All my arm & leg hair has grown back, with some extra for support, little does it know it only had an icy reprieve, and soon the flaming spheres shall reduce them to foul smelling ash once more! I miss everything about spinning, I think it's the only hobby I have that is so addictive & invigorating all at the same time. (World of Warcraft doesn't hold a candle to Fire spinning.) Much the way the Darwin awards are 'evolution in action' Poi is 'poetry in motion'. I love the way, when I'm trying something new, and it just isn't working, then for a brief wonderous moment....it flows. You can actually feel the moment that you hit a motion right. That single moment lets you know, that soon, the moment will become longer until the moment is spinning you as much as you are spinning it. It is truly amazing how lost you can get in the motion, and the roar of the fire as it passes by your ears. Spring is almost here and with it comes the summer's fire.

-De

P.S.the above image is from http://www.thevenue.org/ .

P.S.S. check out http://www.thevenue.org/firespinning_videos.htm for some great vidoes of what i some day hope to be able to do.

Pledge of Allegence

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the united christian fundamentalist
And to the republicans
On which they stand
One god
Over nation
No liberty
or justice
At all
amen

this post is brought to you by the articles:

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

&

http://www.lex18.com/global/story.asp?s=2989614

-De

A Public Service Announcement

Just to let you all know, there is no god. So you can all breath a little easier knowing that there is no afterlife. You will not suffer millions upon millions of years in eternal torment for eating pork or other nonsense. You are held accountable only by your own self restraint & the restraints put upon you by society. No mighty angel shall hold a sword to your throat for your transgressions. Your sins are for you alone (and occasionally a jury). The only evil you need fear is the evil in yourselves & your fellow man (and maybe a rabid badger or two). So know that this world sucks, not because of a sadistic puppet master lording over all, but because you and I suck. it is all our fault. No one else is to blame (well, maybe bush). So I give credit where credit is due, this world is fucked up because we collectively cannot get our heads out of our collective asses.

Thank you, have a nice day.
-De

Arise my faithful servants!

Back from the deadening. I’ve been absent due to extreme burnout on life. Do you ever get so frustrated with living day in day out in a repetitive cycle? Get up, go to work, deal with bullshit from people you have no desire to be talking to, go home, relax in whatever fashion suits you, go to bed, get up, go to work, deal with bullshit from people you have no desire to be talking to, go home, relax in whatever fashion suits you, go to bed ad-nausium. Only going to work to get money to enjoy the time you are not at work, working more so you have more money to enjoy less time. Fucked up. Nearly everyone is working a job that they can’t stand, the lucky ones can tolerate their jobs. That’s right your LUCKY if you DON’T HATE your means of sustenance. What the fuck. How in the 9 hells can you count yourself lucky for being able to only tolerate fully 23.8% of your life, 35.7% of your waking life sucks! More than 1 out of every three hours sucks. And for what, a handful of paper, painted up like a bunch of dead men? The christian right is abducting our right to not believe as they do, so that we all can be converted to fanatic drones. No, no, don’t think, that is against the law now, for you may see the flaws in our creationism, our idols are the only art that you can now produce, and please don’t forget to pray. What? You don’t pray, well, failure to pray is now a mandatory 5-10 in the federal penitentiary. And that child begot on you by your dad, when he was drunk, and thought you looked o-so cute, well, you’re going to have to have it. But don’t expect help from the government, after all, being a single mom is a sin and the state can’t support that sort of behavior. Hold on one second, there’s a country filled with dirty heathens we’ve got to bomb. What were you saying? Wait, you’re a dirty heathen too, aren’t you? well, well, well, we’ve got wonderful places for you heathens, they’re re-integration camps, they’ll teach you how to be a good christian, we haven’t had a good success rate, but those who fail don’t seem to last too long anyway. But that’s alright, they were destroying god’s green earth by their mere presence.

Anywho, fuck work
-De

this is a strange space

the world is rather too fucked up in my opinion, i think we need to start over on a clean slate, so pipe up if you think everyone you don't like or know should up and kill themselves.

wasting time

it always kinda amuses me the way time becomes ubersubjective sometimes. like when you're waiting for the last 1/2 hour of work to get out it takes well over an hour sometimes, due to your heightened awareness of time. and you can't take your mind off the clock ticking no matter what you do. my knees ache when it rains, well, not ache really but get this funny tingly sensation that is not at all comfortable. it's just under the kneeecaps, and REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING. oh well, what can you do? now i've wasted some of my time, and some of yours, we'll never get that time back it is gone forever, much like every single hour i've ever worked in my life. these hours are not well spent in my opinion, the ends almost dosn't justify the means. but survival instinct kicks in in a funky modern way, telling me a roof is good, food is good, BEER IS GREAT. i like beer, a lot. i hate stupid corporate ploys to make peons think they are important & matter. i hate the fact that so many people buy into it. well really they don't. the higher ups think it works because lower eschelon yes men in middle management tell them it works. the upper eschelons have no real idea how much peons everywhere hate thier jobs.

Monday

Ok so Monday nights seem to be going well, more people are showing up anyway. we had 60-75 people valentine’s day, which considering the crappy weather was pretty good. I dressed properly for a change (it's tough sometimes, since I sometimes have only a few min at home after work) DJ’ing is very strange sometimes. Sometimes you’ll try a new song out and it’ll do well (most of the time they fly like unaided bricks) everyone is dancing having a great time, the next time you play it (hoping for a new song to bring into rotation) it feels like if I turned the volume down you could hear crickets chirping. Some nights people will only dance to tried (and sometimes tired) songs, other nights they want nothing to do with them but new stuff is great (these nights are rare, but i love 'em). There are always some songs that get people out there, but I want to bring more music into the night. Having a limited cash flow doesn’t help with that either, add into the fact that the music stores around have crap for selection. And American set lists of other clubs are playing the same tired crap we are, and the European clubs are so far ahead of us that I don’t even know where to start, or if folks up here would even enjoy it. Ah, well, done moaning about that stuff. I am glad that we are finally getting enough people that the owner is happy, and no longer on our backs about getting attendance up. I need an influx of great, new, danceable, catchy, grinding, harsh, mellow, cool ass music. And I wish people would stop requesting ‘rough sex’ I mean it’s a good dance song yeah, but I have played it OVER 300 times!! All by request. I mean they have more than one song, several just as good or better than ‘rough sex’. WTF?
-De

why is everyone so serious?

Lately I’ve been feeling incredibly socially inept. Like a third wheel everywhere I go. Conversations frequently feel contrived & repetitive, and I don’t feel it’s others, but me. I’m not sure why this is, but it’s been bothering me for sometime now. Now before everyone jumps in with the ‘be yourself & don’t worry’ lines, that is NOT the issue, I’ve never made excuses for who I am, and never worried about public opinion. Or have I started? I’m sick of the same conversation over & over again. I don’t have the energy for it, but my mind feels like it’s rotting maybe from too much alcohol, maybe too much age. I think I need to get some more schooling, that helped last time my mind was rotting. Again with the hands & brain getting un-synced.

But anyhow, conversations are feeling more & more hollow, I’m not sure why. all the jokes have been told & everything witty has been said. Rehashing it again with new people seems pointless. Intellect seems to be falling from the humor as well. I like smart humor, humor that cleverly turns a conversation back upon itself. An ebb & flow, give & take. It takes time too develop this repartois with someone. It’s a form of personal performance art where the only necessary elements are you & whomever you are speaking with. I like my humor too call on current events & past histories as sources. Bring in science when necessary. I want my head spinning so I have to get off the ride to keep from falling over. I miss it, it’s not happening nearly as often as it used to, people are settling for one liners stated & forgotten. There used to be references in conversations the way the beatles references prior albums & songs. Am I remembering wrong, were the references to Athena all in my head? (that hurt I know, it’ll all be over soon my darlings, just close your eyes, relax. pretend you are somewhere, anywhere, but here) is this my nostalgia for an era that never existed? Was it drugs? (many of you are nodding here, I can tell, problem is I wasn’t on drugs aside from alcohol) was my mind fresher, lacking the brain worms? Is the humor swirling around and I’m just not getting it? Now I’m not saying all humor has left, it just seems I used to laugh more.

-De

God Genes

So I was reading an article awhile ago, some scientist somewhere claims to have found ‘the god gene’. Essentially a string of three genes that if all three are ‘on’ then you go into a monastery for a lifetime of contemplation. Or if all three are ‘off’ you have no gods and all idols are false. So here is a funny scenario I though about.

Religious folk tend to breed at higher rates than atheists. (not using birth control helps with this) so given enough time atheists may be bred out. Thus Darwin may, through the theory of evolution, also be bred out. I found it kinda funny anyway. ah, well, fuck it.

Anyway, one thing that is of perpetual annoyance to me is my inability to write what I think. This may make no sense, but when you take into consideration that I am a very slow typer I think it makes more sense. I have to try and slow down my thought process to get the information out. And while my hands are methodically plodding along my mind is racing ahead. When it gets too far ahead, it has to turn around and see where the hands are. Then it takes off again, and rarely in the same direction as it went the first time. It frustrates me, cause I think I, crap, there it goes again wandering down other paths. Anyway today is valentine’s day. Squirrels are funny. But kinda dumb. So what I’m saying is I should learn to type. I make no sense.

The end
Ta-Da
-De

down with the god squad

I hate the idea of god. I hate what his believers do in his name. I don’t believe in god. I do believe god to be a fictitious creation designed to control people. The universe is only self aware in the sense that some life exists that can observe it. That’s it no master plan, no divine right. Get over it. We should be at the point in human evolution where we can put away some of the toys of our childhood. Most people find it foolish to believe in the greek gods in today’s era. The judea god is just as foolish people. I know my words won't change your mind. What little you have left. Something about religious zealotry removes the logic centers from the human mind, generally through years of conditioning. It makes sense, if you voluntarily have faith in something so outlandish, you must gain experience at subduing your own higher brain functions, and like anything unused it atrophies. However they do gain an increased performance in the self-righteous centers. They also excel at justification for atrocities. I hate the fact that religious zealots are taking control of our country. Forcing their misguided beliefs down my throat legislatively. (http://www.theocracywatch.org/) in the words of tom jefferson
"This country, which has given to the world the example of physical liberty, owes to it that of moral emancipation also. For as yet, it is but nominal with us. The inquisition of public opinion overwhelms in practice the freedom asserted by the laws in theory." --Thomas Jefferson to John Adams, 1821.
we haven’t improved that much in some senses.
-De

the shadow knows

OK, so two days after the Dresden Dolls (http://www.dresdendolls.com) show I realize that it was two short, there should be a law that they can play no less than 4-hour sets. Anyway, I drank too much, as was probably apparent to most of my pals, after the show I ended up licking Amanda Palmer’s hand, I don’t think it was my idea, but who can say? Part of the pre-requisite was that I removed my boozy saliva from her hand, I did that at least. But it seemed to lead to a really fucked up dream, and I’m going to relate that dream now, so for all who don’t give a rats ass what my fucked up head produces at night, you can tune out now. For the rest of you brave soldiers, the dream commences:
It started off out side of space (the Portland club, not the known universe) and I was chatting with Amanda Palmer, much like after the show, and I decided to show her a neat trick, you know, impress the stars. (I’m sure every person up on this sort of pedestal LOVES to be impressed with how cool their fan(atics) are.) Anyway, I’ve got this trick that I want to show, so I take off my jacket & flannel, so I’m just in a t-shirt. Then I roll up my forearm skin, much the way you would a long sleeve shirt. Leaving all sorts of cool arm innards exposed, no massive bleeding though. Then I proceed to peel off the skin on my left hand, much like the skin was nothing more than a rubber glove. I then proceeded to inflate my hand, again like a rubber glove, leaving some bloody finger prints on it, I then reach into my left wrist and pinch off a vein(or possibly an artery I can’t tell the difference from looking at my exposed forearm) and tie off the balloon. The hand balloon floats as if filled with helium, and is tethered to my forearm via my blood vessels. I repeat the process on my right hand, and give these morbid balloons to Amanda, and she starts to be pulled into the air, I let out about 15’ of veiny goodness. And then I reel her in. now that I’ve bored you enough with my night wanderings, I feel I can tell you all something, I’m bored.
-De