Don't Fear the Reaper

So, I was talking with some pals last night and, the ever-present in the news subject of the hour, death came up, mine specifically. So I’ll share what we determined was going to have to be done with my remains upon my demise. First, of course, my blood will be drained, then replaced with high proof alcohol, tequila most likely, maybe vodka, so that when my corpse is set ablaze, a might fire-ball it will make. My blood then will be mixed with a variety of fine liquors, to be used in mixed drinks at my wake (and for the mother of all bloody-mary’s at their wake the following morn).
Next up at the wake, the distribution of wealth, for this process they’re gonna have to de-bone me. First all of my phlanges shall be put into a sack & everyone mentioned in my will shall draw one out as a keepsake. then my bones shall be ‘chipped up’ by this I mean sliced into poker chips, and everyone shall sit down & play poker, a winner take all of my inheritance (if one runs out of 'bone-chips' one does have the option of strip poker to remain in the game, clothes must be left off till the winner has taken all.). It’s really the only fair way to decide who gets it all after all.

Anyway,
word of wisdom:

THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS (THE PENTABARF)

The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head and viewing it upside down.

KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!

I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.

II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.

III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).

IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads

-De