this is a strange space

the world is rather too fucked up in my opinion, i think we need to start over on a clean slate, so pipe up if you think everyone you don't like or know should up and kill themselves.

wasting time

it always kinda amuses me the way time becomes ubersubjective sometimes. like when you're waiting for the last 1/2 hour of work to get out it takes well over an hour sometimes, due to your heightened awareness of time. and you can't take your mind off the clock ticking no matter what you do. my knees ache when it rains, well, not ache really but get this funny tingly sensation that is not at all comfortable. it's just under the kneeecaps, and REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING. oh well, what can you do? now i've wasted some of my time, and some of yours, we'll never get that time back it is gone forever, much like every single hour i've ever worked in my life. these hours are not well spent in my opinion, the ends almost dosn't justify the means. but survival instinct kicks in in a funky modern way, telling me a roof is good, food is good, BEER IS GREAT. i like beer, a lot. i hate stupid corporate ploys to make peons think they are important & matter. i hate the fact that so many people buy into it. well really they don't. the higher ups think it works because lower eschelon yes men in middle management tell them it works. the upper eschelons have no real idea how much peons everywhere hate thier jobs.

Monday

Ok so Monday nights seem to be going well, more people are showing up anyway. we had 60-75 people valentine’s day, which considering the crappy weather was pretty good. I dressed properly for a change (it's tough sometimes, since I sometimes have only a few min at home after work) DJ’ing is very strange sometimes. Sometimes you’ll try a new song out and it’ll do well (most of the time they fly like unaided bricks) everyone is dancing having a great time, the next time you play it (hoping for a new song to bring into rotation) it feels like if I turned the volume down you could hear crickets chirping. Some nights people will only dance to tried (and sometimes tired) songs, other nights they want nothing to do with them but new stuff is great (these nights are rare, but i love 'em). There are always some songs that get people out there, but I want to bring more music into the night. Having a limited cash flow doesn’t help with that either, add into the fact that the music stores around have crap for selection. And American set lists of other clubs are playing the same tired crap we are, and the European clubs are so far ahead of us that I don’t even know where to start, or if folks up here would even enjoy it. Ah, well, done moaning about that stuff. I am glad that we are finally getting enough people that the owner is happy, and no longer on our backs about getting attendance up. I need an influx of great, new, danceable, catchy, grinding, harsh, mellow, cool ass music. And I wish people would stop requesting ‘rough sex’ I mean it’s a good dance song yeah, but I have played it OVER 300 times!! All by request. I mean they have more than one song, several just as good or better than ‘rough sex’. WTF?
-De

why is everyone so serious?

Lately I’ve been feeling incredibly socially inept. Like a third wheel everywhere I go. Conversations frequently feel contrived & repetitive, and I don’t feel it’s others, but me. I’m not sure why this is, but it’s been bothering me for sometime now. Now before everyone jumps in with the ‘be yourself & don’t worry’ lines, that is NOT the issue, I’ve never made excuses for who I am, and never worried about public opinion. Or have I started? I’m sick of the same conversation over & over again. I don’t have the energy for it, but my mind feels like it’s rotting maybe from too much alcohol, maybe too much age. I think I need to get some more schooling, that helped last time my mind was rotting. Again with the hands & brain getting un-synced.

But anyhow, conversations are feeling more & more hollow, I’m not sure why. all the jokes have been told & everything witty has been said. Rehashing it again with new people seems pointless. Intellect seems to be falling from the humor as well. I like smart humor, humor that cleverly turns a conversation back upon itself. An ebb & flow, give & take. It takes time too develop this repartois with someone. It’s a form of personal performance art where the only necessary elements are you & whomever you are speaking with. I like my humor too call on current events & past histories as sources. Bring in science when necessary. I want my head spinning so I have to get off the ride to keep from falling over. I miss it, it’s not happening nearly as often as it used to, people are settling for one liners stated & forgotten. There used to be references in conversations the way the beatles references prior albums & songs. Am I remembering wrong, were the references to Athena all in my head? (that hurt I know, it’ll all be over soon my darlings, just close your eyes, relax. pretend you are somewhere, anywhere, but here) is this my nostalgia for an era that never existed? Was it drugs? (many of you are nodding here, I can tell, problem is I wasn’t on drugs aside from alcohol) was my mind fresher, lacking the brain worms? Is the humor swirling around and I’m just not getting it? Now I’m not saying all humor has left, it just seems I used to laugh more.

-De

God Genes

So I was reading an article awhile ago, some scientist somewhere claims to have found ‘the god gene’. Essentially a string of three genes that if all three are ‘on’ then you go into a monastery for a lifetime of contemplation. Or if all three are ‘off’ you have no gods and all idols are false. So here is a funny scenario I though about.

Religious folk tend to breed at higher rates than atheists. (not using birth control helps with this) so given enough time atheists may be bred out. Thus Darwin may, through the theory of evolution, also be bred out. I found it kinda funny anyway. ah, well, fuck it.

Anyway, one thing that is of perpetual annoyance to me is my inability to write what I think. This may make no sense, but when you take into consideration that I am a very slow typer I think it makes more sense. I have to try and slow down my thought process to get the information out. And while my hands are methodically plodding along my mind is racing ahead. When it gets too far ahead, it has to turn around and see where the hands are. Then it takes off again, and rarely in the same direction as it went the first time. It frustrates me, cause I think I, crap, there it goes again wandering down other paths. Anyway today is valentine’s day. Squirrels are funny. But kinda dumb. So what I’m saying is I should learn to type. I make no sense.

The end
Ta-Da
-De

down with the god squad

I hate the idea of god. I hate what his believers do in his name. I don’t believe in god. I do believe god to be a fictitious creation designed to control people. The universe is only self aware in the sense that some life exists that can observe it. That’s it no master plan, no divine right. Get over it. We should be at the point in human evolution where we can put away some of the toys of our childhood. Most people find it foolish to believe in the greek gods in today’s era. The judea god is just as foolish people. I know my words won't change your mind. What little you have left. Something about religious zealotry removes the logic centers from the human mind, generally through years of conditioning. It makes sense, if you voluntarily have faith in something so outlandish, you must gain experience at subduing your own higher brain functions, and like anything unused it atrophies. However they do gain an increased performance in the self-righteous centers. They also excel at justification for atrocities. I hate the fact that religious zealots are taking control of our country. Forcing their misguided beliefs down my throat legislatively. (http://www.theocracywatch.org/) in the words of tom jefferson
"This country, which has given to the world the example of physical liberty, owes to it that of moral emancipation also. For as yet, it is but nominal with us. The inquisition of public opinion overwhelms in practice the freedom asserted by the laws in theory." --Thomas Jefferson to John Adams, 1821.
we haven’t improved that much in some senses.
-De

the shadow knows

OK, so two days after the Dresden Dolls (http://www.dresdendolls.com) show I realize that it was two short, there should be a law that they can play no less than 4-hour sets. Anyway, I drank too much, as was probably apparent to most of my pals, after the show I ended up licking Amanda Palmer’s hand, I don’t think it was my idea, but who can say? Part of the pre-requisite was that I removed my boozy saliva from her hand, I did that at least. But it seemed to lead to a really fucked up dream, and I’m going to relate that dream now, so for all who don’t give a rats ass what my fucked up head produces at night, you can tune out now. For the rest of you brave soldiers, the dream commences:
It started off out side of space (the Portland club, not the known universe) and I was chatting with Amanda Palmer, much like after the show, and I decided to show her a neat trick, you know, impress the stars. (I’m sure every person up on this sort of pedestal LOVES to be impressed with how cool their fan(atics) are.) Anyway, I’ve got this trick that I want to show, so I take off my jacket & flannel, so I’m just in a t-shirt. Then I roll up my forearm skin, much the way you would a long sleeve shirt. Leaving all sorts of cool arm innards exposed, no massive bleeding though. Then I proceed to peel off the skin on my left hand, much like the skin was nothing more than a rubber glove. I then proceeded to inflate my hand, again like a rubber glove, leaving some bloody finger prints on it, I then reach into my left wrist and pinch off a vein(or possibly an artery I can’t tell the difference from looking at my exposed forearm) and tie off the balloon. The hand balloon floats as if filled with helium, and is tethered to my forearm via my blood vessels. I repeat the process on my right hand, and give these morbid balloons to Amanda, and she starts to be pulled into the air, I let out about 15’ of veiny goodness. And then I reel her in. now that I’ve bored you enough with my night wanderings, I feel I can tell you all something, I’m bored.
-De

nevermind

I’m raving like a madman, shouting out disjointed ravings at the mimes who wander past. They start ‘walking in the wind’ for a moment or two before breaking free of my caustic grip. I can almost feel the foam at my mouth dribbling as I snarl and howl meaningless nothings, as if they matter. Eyes burning fever bright with the knowledge only the zealot has, beyond reason, beyond doubt. The mimes fly past vague shadows to preach the teachings to. Don’t even ask what the hell is going on here, know only that all minds are broken somewhere inside. A break to keep all at arms reach on the other side of reality’s illusion. I spit on the random passer by, for they are worth less than nothing. Observing everything while seeing nothing. God I suck! the only thing more worthless than this drivel is the fact that I’m posting it. What sort of desperate plea is this? Another shout into the void. Life will be so much simpler when it’s over. Unless I’m forced to run from carnivorous worms & lizards for all eternity. That would be unpleasant at absolute best. Especially if they had sharpened tongues, tongues that they would slide into orifices to slice off the tender bits from the inside. Ewww, and if the lizards tongues deposited the eggs of the worms, so they’d hatch inside to consume you slowly as you ran from the lizards. That would suck, and not be simpler in the least. But outside of horrors being visited upon your spirit for eternity, life is pretty good.

-De

what's it worth?

You know every thing of worth in my life was free. Not free of my time or my labor but it cost no money. My memories are built entirely on the times I spent with my friends. Not the money I made to spend, hell some of my most enjoyable years were the 4 years of my life where I worked a total of 12months & made in those 4yrs less than 15000, total. Friends are the spice of life the only meter to hold yourself against. Who has led a more successful life? A millionaire with no one, or myself with my good friends? (me rich would be the best of all worlds of course) money is such an inconsequential annoyance in this game of life. I get what I need. I don’t put any real effort into making more, because I don’t care enough to. I most likely never will.